It’s lovely to see your little helpless infant transform into a toddler who loves to do everything ‘by myssef’!! They are taking steps toward being independent and insist on doing it all alone.
So it can be pretty surprising when your independent toddler suddenly turns into this person who seems stuck to you 24/7. Now it’s always, ‘Mommy, pick up‘, or ‘Daddy, don’t go!’
Needless to say, this can be exhausting for parents, who can’t seem to do anything at all without a child clinging to them – even using the toilet!
What you now have can be described as a clingy toddler, or the more scientific term of ‘Velcro baby‘. Well, let’s find out why your child is acting this way, and what you can do about it.
What does a ‘clingy toddler’ mean?
A clingy child is one who literally clings to you, especially when you’re about to leave the room or drop them off at childcare or playschool. Some children become clingy at bedtime, refusing to sleep alone.
Not all toddlers become clingy, but the ones who go through the clingy phase do so between 18 months and 2½ years of age. There are many reasons a toddler might become clingy all of a sudden; here are some of them.
Why do some toddlers become clingy?
First of all, a clingy toddler is not a bad thing – it means that they feel safe with you, so that’s good!
Since it’s not you, let’s look at the other reasons:
Your child is tired, hungry, or overstimulated
Their regular routine is disrupted, probably due to a major change like new school timings
They are going through a major developmental milestone
Your little one is going through an illness or physical change like teething
There are new people in your environment, like extended family
There has been a major life change, like Mom going back to work, a new sibling, or a move
They just want more time with you!
A clingy toddler may remind you of the time your baby went through separation anxiety, at around 9 months of age. Usually, this ends by 18 months, but some children may have it till they’re 3 years old. Don’t worry, we’ve put together a short guide on how to handle a clingy toddler, with practical tips.
7 Tips on How to Handle a Clingy Toddler
1. Establish a routine
A regular, consistent routine is one of the easiest ways to help clingy toddlers. A set routine that is followed every day consistently makes your child feel safe since it is predictable, and they know exactly what to expect.
For instance, when you follow the same routine every morning, your child knows that after you go to the bathroom for a shower, you come out and get ready to play with them. For playschool, they know that they get three kisses at dropoff time, and another three when she comes for pickup.
Make sure the routine makes sense for your child’s current age. If you notice that the clinginess increases at certain times of the day everyday, you can plan the routine around those times, so things are easier for everyone.
2. Schedule quality one-on-one time
You may not even need to learn how to handle a clingy toddler if you preemptively give your child what they want – lots of time and affection! Sometimes, clinginess is just attention-seeking behaviour, because your little one isn’t getting enough of you.
Schedule some quality one-on-one time with your toddler at the same time every day, preferably when they’re fed and rested and in a good mood. Give them lots of hugs and kisses – toddlers love physical play.
This way, when it’s time for you to go, you can simply say, ‘Mommy has to go work on the computer for a while. We can play again when Mommy is done. We’ll have lots of fun!’
3. Listen and offer reassurance
One of the most important things to remember when learning how to handle a clingy toddler is that you shouldn’t dismiss their clinginess or push them away. These are very real feelings for your child, and it matters when you acknowledge them.
Get down to their level and talk to them in a calm, reassuring manner. Let them know that you understand they are sad. Ask them if they want to nap, or if they want a snack or drink. This encourages them to think about their needs too, and put them into words.
If they ask you to carry them when you’re in the middle of something, try explaining things to them: ‘Daddy is cutting an apple with a knife. The knife is sharp, so I can’t carry you now. When I’m done, we’ll eat the apple together and play a game.’
4. Stick to your word
This is one of the hardest parts of how to handle a clingy toddler – not falling for your child’s tears! Once you explain to your child that you will be back soon, leave, and don’t turn back. Yes, they will cry and probably scream, but you should simply carry on with your work. Do not run back to pick up your crying child – this only makes things worse.
After doing this consistently for a few times, your child will begin to understand that you mean what you say; that you’ll leave when you say so, and you’ll return when you say so. Make sure you keep that promise too – return when you said you would, so you can build trust in your child.
5. Have an exit ritual
I know many parents who prefer to sneak off when their child isn’t looking, thinking that this is the easiest way out to avoid the tears and pleas. However, this just erodes your child’s trust in you, and will only end up making them more anxious since they can never be sure you’ll be around when they think you are.
Instead, come up with a proper exit ritual from any activity or when you’re going to be separated for a while. For instance, when your little one is going to playschool, tell them when you’ll be back, what you’ll do together, give them a hug and a kiss, wave goodbye and leave without lingering further.
When saying goodbye, use a calm but firm voice, and avoid getting too emotional. Use the right language too; young kids don’t understand the concept of time, so saying ‘I’ll pick you up at 2 P.M.’ makes no sense to them. Instead, use terms your child will understand, like ‘after lunch’, or ‘in time for Sesame Street’, or ‘before the park’.
6. Practice being apart
The more you practice being apart from your child, the more they’ll get used to it, provided you do it by following the tips above. You can do this by scheduling playdates with neighbours, cousins or friends. This way, they end up improving their social skills while also forgetting about you for a while!
You can also try hiring a babysitter while you are home, but in another room. Once your child is comfortable with this arrangement, you can leave the house for a short while. Another fun thing to do is to practice your goodbye rituals with soft toys or dolls – nothing like some role play to help little kids understand!
7. Take it easy
This is often one of the underrated tips on how to handle a clingy toddler, but it is very important. Young children are extremely sensitive to their parents’ moods, so if you are anxious about something, your child will immediately pick it up and react accordingly.
So if you can’t think of any possible reason for your child’s clinginess, it may help to do some introspection and think about how you’ve been at home lately. Have you been distant and quiet? Or angry and upset? You may find that instead of changing your child, it is you who has to make some changes.
It is important to remember that clingy toddlers are not spoiled brats, no matter what some people may say. You have not done anything wrong and clinginess is just a phase of normal development. It is also a short-lived one, that’ll pass soon enough.
Dealing with a clingy toddler is exhausting, both emotionally and physically. But with the right tips and lots of patience, the entire family will be able to overcome this phase successfully. If you notice that, despite trying everything, your child still shows extreme separation anxiety after age 4, you may need to talk to your doctor.
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