After 9 months of the wonderful wait, anxiety, mixed emotions and preparations, comes home the tiny miracle that you and your partner created.
Oh! How much you both love this tiny creature and promise yourselves, each day, to give your best to your little baby.
The long days and sleepless nights eventually begin to take over on both, the new mother and the new father. The differences of opinion are now too many. Before you know, every night, you have that one tiny fight that you take to bed.
“Did you sanitize your hands after changing the diaper?
“Yes. I did. You cannot sanitize the entire house now, can you? Stop being so finicky.
“Is it not good that I care about the well being of our son?”
“Oh! You mean I don’t care about the wellbeing of our only child!”
“When did I say that? “
If you are smiling, reading this and this is your story too, read on to discover, can Dad and Mom be husband and wife too?
Magical Ways to keep Romance Alive After Baby
1. Common object of Love
Imagine a sports bar full of people watching a cricket series of Indian- Pakistan. Their common passion, results in so much noise when they yell out abusive anger words when a catch is missed. Their happiness when their favourite team scores. The emotions are visible and can be felt even by a person just walking outside the bar.
Your partner and you who come from different sets of upbringing and thought processes now have a new COMMON PASSION.
The emotions are far too many, but remember you both have the same objective, unconditional love for this newborn bundle of joy. Respect this common passion.
2. Set Basic Rules for immediate family
“Your mother wants me to stop breastfeeding the baby at 6 months!”
“My mother said it’s ok to give a little honey if the baby has cold!”
The mother vs. the mother in law is a common fight amongst new parents. This is the most litigious issue that leads to a big brawl. Set basic rules for such days. If you have a trustworthy and reliable paediatrician, keep his decisions as the final one regarding all health matters.
Do not let personal issues with your family or your in-laws; come in the way of the upbringing you want to give your child. Grandparents have a lot of love to offer and sadly a lot of advice too. But as said correctly by Baz Luhrmann in his famous song ‘Everybody’s free’ “Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.”
3. Win of the 3 letter (EGO) over the 4 letter (LOVE)
“I have been feeding, cooking, attending to the maids all day, and I asked you to do one job of packing the diaper bag! Now where are the wipes.” blurted Reena in the crowded mall.
“I must have forgotten, relax ill go and get it from the medical downstairs.” said Rakesh.
“It’s not about getting it now. You always forget such things. You always think it’s my job to pack everything.”
“When did I say that? Do I not help you as much as I can.” And thus ended the beautiful Sunday evening.
“Children come through you but not from you, and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.” said Khalil Gibran.
Ego. We have all heard of it and we know the damage it can cause to relationships. But how do we assess if our ego is ruling our fights? Ask yourself 3 simple questions in a situation like this :
- Am I constantly trying to prove that ‘I am (or my method is) right and you are (or your method is) wrong?’
- Am I always concentrating on how my partner said it rather than WHAT he said?
- In a crisis scenario, do I first evaluate, ‘Whose fault is it’? Or ‘How to solve this crisis?’
Your common goals of raising this wonderful miracle have got you here. Don’t Let Ego take away the fun and laughter from raising this tiny miracle.
4. Hugs !
A newborn means a lot of hugs and a lot of smiles. While we enjoy this phase, till they become teenagers and want to get rid of us parents (Oh, how I dread this already!), do we hug our partners as often?
Sometimes it’s better to put Love into Hugs rather than putting it into words. When all fails, a hug won’t! End each night with a hug so that we let go of this day and reduce our baggage. (Have you noticed, how women with lesser baggage of the past, need lesser under eye creams and lesser anti aging J )
Marriage involves a union of two very different people, who come from 4 other very different people, which makes it 6 different thought processes already. Not to forget, the agony aunts, nosy neighbours and the hundreds of websites we click in a day that influence our thought patterns. Having a baby just multiplies all this by 10 times. Everybody has an opinion of what you must and must not do for your little one.
The constant guilt that the mother is infested with right from when she hears the nurse go, “Congratulations, you are pregnant!!”
‘Am I having the right food for my unborn?’
‘Am I walking enough to have a normal delivery?’ and right up to ‘Is it ok to night feed my toddler.’
Well it doesn’t stop there. With fear, guilt, tired body, not knowing what to do scenarios, not sure if I did the right thing scenario, we are bound to cloud our decisions. So the next time there is a spat, be the first to hug.
Happy parents, raise Happy Babies !!
Mansi Nipun Gupta is a Psychotherapist and a Relationship Counselor. With a soon to be 1 year old naughty son, Mansi currently teaches and counsels students from various backgrounds. With her innovative learning methodologies and student management skills, she coaches students for life skills and academics. She also conducts seminars on parenting and relationship management.